Unlocking Self Love with Kristi Stangeland

Hey guys welcome to the Learn Feng Shui podcast where you'll Learn Feng Shui from a classical point of view taking out the myth and Superstition so if you're interested in learning funu Chinese astrology all things Chinese metaphysics as well as the superstitions and myths that connect it all you'll enjoy learning fun with me hey guys welcome to today's epe episode of the Learn Feng Shui podcast I'm your host Candice Berlanga certified funu practitioner red riing professional with International funu Guild so today um we're going to talk about a topic I think that is pretty important for February I really wanted to focus on the topic of love and relationships but what is more important than our relationship with ourselves so I want to focus on the topic of self-love and self-acceptance I think I have the perfect yes to join me today today joining me is Christy stangland so christe is an international Retreat leader author lecturer and private meditation coach for busy women she's a founder of my parv circle an online meditation membership program designed to help busy women find balance wellness and contentment in their daily lives for nearly 20 years she's helped women create opportunities for professional success and personal fulfillment through self-development programs including meditation personal development and wellness retreats as well as function play christe is a certified genan Keys guide and Miracle Choice facilitator for guiding personal Transformations she's also an Ecentric instructor helping women at any stage of Life move their muscles and Joints more easily through a focus on balance and stretching in addition she holds a diploma in mindfulness Studies by the NLP Center for excellence and completed a 3-year btb functuay Master's training program this education transformed her life and now she's passionate about out sharing it with others by offering practical techniques and inspiration for bringing Joy adventure and a sense of calm to our clients lives welcome Christie thank you Candace it's great to be here yeah so today um kind of you know when we connected we wanted to focus on the topic of selflove and that is something you do through your meditation um and and just in all kinds of ways the Jean Keys you know just kind of working uh through all of that you know you're you say here that you um you know help a busy woman find balance and wellness and contentment how did you kind of migrate towards uh that I suppose is is what I'm wondering well I would say that you know we like to teach what we're looking for or what we also you know want to learn more of and I was one of those you know busy executive women you know working on Wall Street and but having everything on the face of it you know look I had my you know beautiful husband and children and a great job and had you know a lot of people underneath me but yet I was missing something but I I just didn't know what it was and it really put me on sort of this Seeker path and when I was um quit my job on Wall Street that allowed me to sort of get into meditation I kind of just fell into it and put me on the path of self-development classes and eventually funu and eventually you know leading meditations and I have found what a wonderful experience that has been and how fulfilling that has been and I know so kind of going back to you said you worked on Wall Street that's another thing too that was something we didn't even um discuss in your bio you had a whole another life before starting your work with um just the self-development and funu and everything yes so my parents were both accountants they were both you know grew up in the depression and it was very clear said or unsaid you know you will be an accountant and that was what I ended up doing I ended up going to school becoming an accountant just because that was you know what I was really told was a way to become successful and I'm a type a person and I want to succeed and I just thought that that was going to be the answer and the way that I was going to feel incredibly fulfilled and found that yeah not so much and so it was this long Discovery process of you know you you have to have a certain amount of money to be happy but after you reach a certain point you need a lot of other things and I'm just so thank I feel so thankful that I was able to find those with the self-development work that I've done and that I now teach to others if you told me 30 plus years ago that I was going to be you know running Retreats and leading meditations and doing uh the work with the Jean keys I would have been I would have laughed I would have been like no no that's all woo woo and weird and I would not have a part of that and so it's just interesting how you slowly when you have these things happen to you and the synchronicities that happen and all of a sudden things change and you're like oh you have a new lens of of viewing what life is like and how life might work differently than what you thought it did when you were in your 20s I feel like my 30s is the dis was the discovery time you know that was the time where I something more yeah yeah for sure our 20s is like almost like survival mode maybe having children having a you know Young young little ones maybe being freshly married you know needly woods and so it's just like we're learning how to life you know in 30s is like it kind of slows down at least for me it did and uh you know kids are a little older you know and then you know kind of going through like you know what do I what do I want to do next and that's kind of how I discovered fun too but yeah and so you started with fune well I actually started with meditation so when I quit my corporate job I I I knew I wanted to be an entrepreneur rur that was the one thing I knew because my parents although they were accountants were also entrepreneurs and so I read a book something called like 12 secrets of creative people and I was it was a woman who'd gone off and interviewed all these different women and how they got their you know creativity and thought about it and so I was like I'm gonna read this book and figure out the secrets to creativity and one of them was sit quietly for five minutes a day that was just very difficult for a type a person I was like I can't do that but I'm very tenacious and so I'm like I am going to do this and I really do feel like that was the very first step of leading me down this path of self-discovery and towards the genan keys and towards uh Funway and so we've mentioned Jean Keys we've said that but we haven't actually talked about what genan keys is and it's one of the ways you help lead women through this area of like personal development and self-discovery is using something called the genan keys and so let's let's talk about what genan keys are so the Jean keys I came across during the pandemic uh a wonderful mentor of mine had mentioned it to me and I went on to the site and they it was U founded or the the P person who brought it into this world is his name is Richard R and he basically had these downloads about the eing related to um different spheres and the the whole idea that we have 64 genes in our body and there are 64 hexagrams in the eing and so it be based on our birth data we can have different um aspects that are stronger than others and the whole idea is that those aspects that are stronger can have a shadow a gift well they do have a shadow a gift in a city and the shadow is what we maybe don't see in ourselves and it messes us up it trips us up it's kind of that self- sabotage that we have and so just taking a little teeny look at that and bringing that into our awareness can move us into the gift which is where we're in a much more expansive higher vibration feeling you know much more at peace and then there's the highest expr which is the city which is you know Nirvana and and maybe we get little glimpses of that but I found it to be such a wonderful unlocking for me even though with all the self-development work that I had done and all of the funu that this was a really wonderful way where synchronicities just started happening left and right yeah and I always think of synchronicities just a little nod from The Universe telling you you're on the right path I love seeing your synchronicity U kind of before we started we talked about the Year of the Dragon bringing more synchronicity and and stuff like that and I really I've already feel like I've been experiencing that it's been very strange just kind of off topic but I've had really weird synchronicities happen over the past couple weeks so Gene Keys is a system that suggests that each human has a unique combination of genetic markers or these Gene keys and there's 64 of those is that correct correct okay yes and then then we have the 64 um hexagrams within the Divination system of the iching and so it kind of matches those up to the gene keys and you're able to I guess kind of meditate on those you're able to kind of contemplate and think on those yes and so he's each one of those hexagrams and that the the hexagram information you know the book of changes which is includes the the iching and all those 64 hexagrams he's taken those but he's kind of turned it into more modern language and related to the to the person and to a certain sphere so there are these different spheres based on your birth data and I guess you know the way the reason we connected is one of the sequences is the Venus sequence within the gene Keys which is all about looking at your relationships of yourself and with others and look looking at that shadow that can happen that might be prominent within your Venus sequence of how you might be you know running into issues with relationships to yourself to others yes and so looking at the Venus sequence you're able to kind of look at um different patterns and stuff like that I know as humans we kind of create these patterns in our lives of um I mean I think we see it time and time again I've know you've probably come across clients that tell you like you know maybe they want to improve their relationship or maybe they want to find a partner but they keep experiencing or maybe even dating the same type of person you know I feel like that's very interesting because it's very much you can you can tell there's a pattern uh there of maybe uh you know different different things right maybe choosing the wrong person or maybe we're you know self-sabotaging or you know there's those things and so by looking at the gene keys in that Venus sequence we're able to see those patterns exactly and the Venus sequence also is is kind of this mirror of we're able so you know as we you're talking about those patterns that we have and we can't see them basically what what the Venus sequence is saying is like look look at those relationships because if there's a relationship that's really hard that you're having a hard time with this person or if there's somebody that really drives you crazy a lot of times that can be a relative or it can be a spouse if there's that person that is the perfect relationship to contemplate and to look at because there's something within yourself that you're not happy with and so that you know and I and I find having that knowledge now for me is that if I can have a lot of compassion now for people who drive me you know that that I might not even know but I read about them in the news and I get all irritated about them but it's like if they're very critical of someone if they're acting out you know that they're they're saying those same things to themselves it's really if they know it or not oh that's very interesting I didn't even think about that so but that is true we verbalize our selft talk right but maybe we project that on to other people yeah very interesting and and especially if somebody if somebody's bothering you of really looking at that and saying how could I relate that back to myself what is it that I'm not maybe not liking about myself that I'm suddenly like yeah reflecting that you know deflecting that all on that other person yeah very interesting I see it all the time too when people get upset about uh maybe politics or things you know world events and those are very much things that are out of our sphere of control you know um but we can choose to again I think reflect what is your I guess what is your advice for that when people you know because I think you know we tend to do that you know we look at this stuff going on and sometimes maybe we we feel helpless you know but what what do we do in that case you know turn the TV off I suppose well I I would say because I do have a couple clients that are way you know they're they're just watching the news and they just want to talk about the news and they want to be angry about the news and the politics and everything and I do say well first off think about think about who is promoting that I mean t you know media wants us to get upset about stuff right they you know they or they they're constantly promoting hurricanes or or other things that um to to get people to read and to follow and and they're hitting those triggers so one is to to limit your media I mean I don't think people should put their heads in the sand at all you need to know what's going on but you don't have to keep reading the same thing over and over again or or watching as much news that you know sometimes I'll be in an airport and they're looping the news over and over again and it's like I have to go move because I can't listen to it anymore so um but I I do think the best advice though is to really do look at your opinions to stand back from them and see how you might be more compassionate and I think that is is what needs to happen in this polarization that's happening across um it not only the US right but so much everywhere is that people have to start understanding and looking at the other person yeah I think we're I mean we're very much self centered as people you know we kind of relate everything back to us and you know we think everything is about us but not necessarily and so I do think so when you're looking at that Venus sequence you can actually see though um the you said the shadow traits let's talk about those Shadow traits since we're talking about kind of the more I guess negative thinking within our own um right you know within our own um Minds I suppose or in in regards to relationships and other people um so there's the shadow uh part of us yes yes and so for an example I thought um so the the real heart of the Venus sequence is Jean key 22 or hexagram 22 and the shadow of he of hexagram 22 is I I think he uses the word dishonor and if you listen to what he has to say about dishonor he's talking about this the critical selft talk that we say to ourselves that we don't even maybe notice that we're saying to ourselves but that is a way of that we're dishonoring us ourselves as perfect beings and I know that I certainly catch myself many times you know saying little things that are are not a positive uh thing to be saying to myself but I wouldn't say to my best friend yeah you're right we wouldn't say that stuff to our friends why why do we say it to ourselves you know and so the then the next part of the sequence um so it goes for the Shadow and then the the next part is is the gift and so the gift um when when you stop dis well when you when you bring into awareness that maybe this negative selft talk that you're saying to yourself or you might be dishonoring yourself and just taking a a bit of a look at that you move into graciousness and and that's being you know incredibly graceful with yourself of get of treating yourself like you would your best friend like saying those things where you're accepting and you're you're falling into that um pattern and and when you're doing that and the the beauty of the genan keys is and the theory behind it is actually it's it's a way of Enlightenment and so you actually are changing your your genes so it's not like you know I I don't know if you've ever gone to some self-development course where you learn to do something new and you take it home and you use that tool for a while and then it just kind of goes by the Wayside and you sort of forget it and then you know maybe the old habit comes back or something like that this is actually you know once you've had that just little look and and had that contemplation and had that aha moment you're changed like you're not going back yeah that's true because I I do feel like a lot of people and even like I like I said I do the the Chinese astrology the B um I do feel like a lot of the stuff you know we may have these pre-programmed things I kind of compare it to computer software right so we have these PR pre-programmed softwares that kind of come in you know and but we can upgrade our software as time goes on you know and we can do cool cool things with the new software right and so people you know I think the awareness is like a software upgrade if that makes sense you know it's like upgrading to the next iOS or whatever you know and so it's not that there's you know this continual thing you have to do but it's that we are can recognize those patterns of behavior or the self-sabotaging or the you know the the criticalness or whatever and recognize it yeah when when you you know when you recognize those patterns and where you're judging yourself and you're you brought that into your awareness you will tend not to judge others as much I don't know if this is ever happened to you but the I always say my mother-in-law was my best teacher because you know she could could just push my buttons left and right and then it was just like it wasn't until I started to do this work that I realized that I I had tools and ways to counteract and I my energy changed and as a result of my energy changing her energy changed and all of a sudden for whatever reason I don't know she wasn't do she she wasn't bothering me anymore have you had that experience oh yeah yes so I me and my husband just I'll just be all you know I love him to death I love him so much and we've been together for you know we're we're basically childhood sweethearts you know but when you have known someone that long you you know you butt heads and everything and there was a time where it was very uh you know um you know Rocky you know very Rocky um uh you know a few years ago and um yeah but a lot of it was me you know I I really had what I did honestly kind of going back to that self you know awareness type thing I was I I one day I just was so tired of it I was like I'm tired of arguing tired of you know I don't I don't want to feel like this anymore I'm tired I'm tired of this and I can't change him Not Gonna Leave You know I don't want the marriage to end right and so yeah um I was like let me let me just do something for myself I don't want to feel you know like this victim in my own life right you know right and so um I actually I I I'm an audible listener I love audible books and so I actually downloaded the book um from Louise hey uh I think it's called you can heal your life I believe oh yes yeah yes you can heal your life and in doing that I was I actually went back through a lot of childhood stuff and kind of realized like the patterns um of uh maybe like communication and conflict you know that that were between me and my mom and my dad yeah and that really made me think like I've created these patterns of you know this miscommunication and you know I mean I can only do my end but this is this is what I was creating on my end you know I wasn't right you know we I had great parents but they didn't teach me emotional intelligence you know what I mean so yeah you know I mean they were great but you know they're oldfashioned you know you know they were doing the best they could right like you know that just wasn't something people were talking about or doing or you know no for sure I came from this stoic Norwegian family but it's interesting you bring that up because the so you know the Venus is a sequence and there are these different spheres and one is emotional intelligence and looking at that sphere and looking at where your Shadow is and there is the IQ you know they were developed during different points in time of your childhood so you are look going back and looking at that and and once you take responsibility for you right and you talked about being a victim it's all about not being a victim anymore because you're just being responsible for everything but it's interesting how that then changes the dynamic with another person and they're not even you know was your husband listening to the book also or no um you know he was kind of doing his own thing he he he felt like he had an I feel like he had another um I can't remember what it was he went through some kind of meditation too because he was also feeling tired of feeling you know the way he felt you know and I think as as we get older we're both you know passing 40 where we've pasted 40 now but that time we were passing 40 and you know yeah I really feel like the the you know older you get I think the more you really look at like the inner inner happiness you know kind of like we yes we talked about yes but I do think that is so um fascinating and and you know one of the keys to the Venus sequ sequence is the whole idea that you it doesn't need to be done with the partner you do you do the work and either the partner is going to change because you're changing and that whole energy is changing or they may leave and you may both just decide to leave it may be one of those conscious uncoupling or whatever but it's not it's kind of like you you you know he's a big uh Richard bu in writing this Venus sequence he's a big big proponent of people staying together because again that's where you get that's where the transformation comes from is working on the relationship and so the next step in that sequence is called the city and it's spelled um s DH is that correct yeah s d d h d yeah Sanskrit word and you kind of talked about that being like a Nirvana type experience so when we've gone through our shadow we've gone through you know the awareness and the the gift right and then so the next one is nirvana so what does that look like when that's kind of achiev and that's not really um something that you are in all the time is that something that yeah I would say no I I would say you know you're kind of Lucky when you get little glimpses of that and so in in this um in genan key 22 hexagram 22 the city is Grace so and Grace I'm getting big chills on this it's just one of those moments where you just really feel like you've been touched you know touched by something way bigger than yourself and I I mean I've had a couple of those experiences um one was I when my daughter was uh I'm probably like six months three months something like that uh we had St John the Divine in New York was in our neighborhood and they were looking for a Mary and Joseph to be in their big play and so we at the evening you know a church event and so we they asked if we would do it and my husband said I'll do it if there's no donkey and of course we show up and there's the donkey anyway that's just a little aside um I was standing there and you know did the procession up to the to the main area and I was you know sitting there holding my daughter and I just had this overwhelming feeling of being touched by grace and it's so hard to explain where you just feel like your whole body is just expanded and and this feeling of incredible incredible peace and last year I had an experience also um where I done I did this I was participating um in a valentine valent it was a year ago almost a Valentine's Day event and I was doing one part and then this other woman was doing breath work which I'd never really done before but you're almost like hyperventilating and your hands start to feel incredibly like they're growing and somebody you know had had said you really go to this different plane and I had this experience where I felt like my mother was coming she's now passed and just gave me this incredible hug and it felt this incredible unconditional love and I just started weeping and I am not I am a stoic Norwegian I am not a big Cryer whatsoever and it was just like the tears were just flowing down my cheeks and it wasn't until the next day and I was recounting this to my husband and I said I feel like I was Touched By Grace you know that and and so I guess just sharing those are just kind of those little fleeting moments of where you're just feeling this incredible peace and do you feel like um we experience more of that I suppose because I do feel like a lot of that you do have to be in like maybe a meditative state or you have to do the breath work or you have to do you know it is very much um of maybe even like a it's it's some work to get there to get to that met you know that that stage where you can block everything out and experience that to at least to me maybe some people can do it a little easier but do you feel like it's a little EAS easier to achieve sometimes when you've gone through and done some of the work and you're you know you've looked at your own you know Shadow side and everything like that yeah yeah absolutely and I think that is um what you know kind of the point of this is that when you and you it's interesting because of course we always want to focus on that shadow and the idea is spending like 10% on that and then the rest really on the gift and looking at the gift and how that you know contemplating on that um and then to me it's just like letting the city happen but I do feel like you kind of need to do the work to get to those glimpses of the city or even maybe experience it more yeah I always feel like I've I've have to be able to block things you know what I mean block out the external I I'm a thinker and so my thoughts are always racing and have to like you know it's meditation can be quite hard for me it really can yes yes I I totally get it I mean I'm a type a person and I have that brain that uh you know Chatters away so that is why I feel like medit you know my the meditation that I do I and when I train people I tell them just three minutes that's all you have to do to just start oh I could do three minutes I'm good with that and that's what everyone said IES yeah I could do that yeah yes for sure and you know I guess I think one time you know the one time that I do feel like I can block out my thoughts is I actually do um like aerial yoga with the hammock I don't know if you've ever seen that that is the one time where I can like I'm solely focused on my physical you know holding myself up you know you know um crunching my abs or you know holding my you know and so it's you know and same with like yoga and you talked about earlier about um chiong and so yeah definitely during and and even um what is the one where they do the you know they do the very slow motion yeah taichi yeah I do feel like those are very much kind of a contemplative even running get into that that yeah Zone yes my sister does CrossFit and she says during CrossFit she's just so focused on it she yeah so physical activity can definitely I think put you in kind of a meditative State it's very can be very relaxing yeah and so you wanted to lead us on a meditation so before we do that I think I'm going to have you so you actually have a meditation group where you work through uh the Venus sequence um so tell us about that and then I'd like to dedicate the the the last part to the meditation um because we we'll probably want to you know take off your shoes and uh have those those three minutes right right relax well so um yeah so you touched on on a good thing so the first is I have the my parv circle which is the online membership which people could sign up at any point in time it's $15 a month there's so many resources in there I do online um live online meditations in the mornings uh we do them in the afternoon we go we have a theme for each month this month is the heart coming up in February is the heart Sutra so we dive into that uh then there's also the Venus sequence which is starting at the end of February so that's on uh Tuesday February 27 in the evening Eastern Time and that uh sequence I think runs until about June we we meet once a month so I will be guiding a Venus session awesome and you do I know by the time this airs uh or this is live I suppose um you you'll have already done it but you also do um some different stuff so if people want to find you they can go to your website which I'll link below and that's my par.com yes and there are under there there are workshops that people can sign up for there are Retreats uh that are all full right now they're all sold out but TW I'm working on 2025 that sounds amazing yes so go check out the website and again everything will be linked below if you want to um you know get in contact with Christie so we'll have all her information Linked In the show notes all right guys we'll go aad and take a little bit of a pause here if you're driving or if you are listing a passing and you want to come back to this point uh go ahead and PA pause here I do suggest also that you maybe kick your shoes off and grab a pen and paper or open up your notes app in your phone cuz she's going to have us jot a couple things down so let's enjoy this lovely guided meditation with christe so basically we're just going to take six minutes for what I'm going to call a self-love meditation nice and so the first um let's say two minutes I'm just going to give you some prompts for you to write down so okay the the first let's just start by taking maybe closing your eyes just coming down you know we've been in our minds we've been talking away been thinking let's just kind of get into our bodies let's start by taking a deep breath in and a slow release the second deep breath in and release a third deep breath in and and release okay and I'm just going to ask you a couple questions just a couple prompts whatever comes to mind so I'm going to ask you to just write down one thing that maybe your inner critic says to you and you can write more than one thing if there something you got just it's just a time to do a a brain dump and here's another prompt maybe a criticism that someone has said to you that you just you you've Incorporated that you couldn't let go of and it might even sound silly but just write it down and one last prompt is maybe a New Year's resolution or a goal that you created for yourself I'm going to ask you to just take a look at what you've written everything you've written and we're just going to pick one one of to work with for today so just see what jumps out what's calling you is it something that you say to yourself every day your inner critic is it something that somebody said maybe it's something in your New Year's resolution that's kind of a critical being critical of yourself let's now move into meditation and again I invite you to close your eyes and maybe you want to put your hands on your heart we're going to focus on our heart and closing the eyes really dropping into the body relaxing the face shoulders moving down and relaxing the chest the back noticing the hips making sure that your feet are grounded on the floor let's continue dropping in with a deep deep breath in slow release and turn your attention to your heart just notice this heart space and I invite you with your mind side to just imagine this space getting stronger and growing coming incredibly vibrant maybe there's a beautiful pink light it just starts to grow within your heart space and again let's take a deep breath into the heart and then I invite you to say to yourself three times I am enough you can just say it to yourself s or you can say to yourself out loud whatever feels right in this moment I am enough I am enough I am enough then I invite you to say to yourself three times I choose love I choose love I Choose Love I choose love another deep breath in slowly release and then I invite you to say I am love three times I am love I am love and a deep breath in and a slow release I invite you to open your eyes and look at what you wrote the the one sentence that you know had popped out of you and just write down how you can say that with love what would you say to a friend how would you word it differently what encouragement might you give them give yourself a hug and know you are a love